I stand corrected

You didn't boy me off, Royal Mail is just gay so your card arrived a day late. You're actually very nice and I just get dramatic when I'm upset, and I don't know why I'm writing this as if you'll read this, you don't know what blogger is. I will feel bad if I don't though.

:)

andddd someone else, you've ruined a good weekend.

this weekend.

I've had serious sleep deprivation. I think I've had about 8 hours in total, but I really do like my sleep on the weekend.

Friday night was really good; I love just watching films and somehow having conversations about whether we'd prefer to be raped or have our hand cut off, they're interesting. Pineapple express was hilarious, I love greasy drug dealers who wear pyjamas all day.

I then had to spend hours painting the sky and a purple horse, but to be honest, it had turned out pretty good, but I still have half of it to do. Good job I like painting.

Saturday night was confusing. I had a really good time at Ali's, catching up with someone I haven't seen in years, until it all went a bit wrong: We never argue. That's just what we're like. I hate being in an argument with him. What was worse, is I don't even know why we fell out. Even though it doesn't matter now, I really don't like it. And I successfully managed to thoroughly piss my parents off for the first time in years. Greeat. I'm so tired.

"i wanted to say something that you've never heard before.

i wanted to say something so true you can taste it, something so soft it echoes through your head like thunder, something so beautiful all the other words in the world sound like distant, muffled noises of nonsense.

i wanted to say something that no-one has ever said to you before and could never say again, because they would never make it sound as passionate and enticing.

but i couldn't

so i just shut my eyes, and tried to whisper these unspeakable stories into your lips as we kissed."

I almost forgot

'Delacroix was passionately in love with passion, but coldy determined to express passion as clearly as possible'

I love this quote.

finally

I have a new layout! Wheey! My old one would just cut my blogs in half if the pictures were too big. But it's all ok now. :)

OHH by the way, this is a big mish mash of my thoughts and shit, so don't read this if you actually have a life.

I was talking to my friend today, who I've been in the same form as for 5 years, and never realised how great he is. He used to be a bit of a thug, a bit sure of himself. But now, he's wonderful. I've never actually met someone who is so passionate about being a Christian. I've met quite a few Christians, but you're the most inspiring. You're so passionate and open. I used to be quite like you, but I find it hard now. I've done so many things that make me feel like a bad Christian that I don't really feel worth it any more. But I don't know. That could change, I just don't find it easy; you're inspiring, though.

WOW, I actually love you. I can't talk to anyone about this as easily as I can to you. I would be very lost without you, you're great. We have so many little secrets, and I love it. And he's a penis. So don't let him get you down.

On a more negative note, I've realised why we ended. I was always amazing, beautiful, 'perfect' for you, until someone else came along who was just a bit more convenient. You know what, I don't miss you at all. The only memories I really have of you are upsetting and annoying, you were never good for me, and I only liked you because I craved you liking me back, not because you made me at all happy. I know it's your birthday, but I made you a fucking card and posted it to you, you could at least say a thank you! hoooonestly.

Something I've been thinking about recently, is how being happy makes you feel bad. You're expected to hate your thighs. You're expected to dislike your hair style. You're expected to say 'I look like a gimp in that photo'. But sometimes you like your thighs and think your hair looks quite nice and that that's actually quite a flattering photo. I don't aaaactually like my thighs but you know what I'm saying.

Oh and I wish my art teacher would stop trying to make me cry. He's useless and doesn't even try to hide it. I love art, I honestly do, but he just crusheessss me. It's so annoying.

*I love blogs and I'm glad I posted the one I was unsure of posting.

I want a bicycle. A proper vintage lovely bicycle with a basket. And I want to ride it around somewhere. Like France when I go on holiday this year (woopdeedoo).

ray of sunshine

realisation

One of the worst feelings must be that moment of realisation when you look back, put yourself in someone else's shoes and realise you've hurt someone.

It's really easy to get caught up in a situation, and not have the best grip on other people's feelings or even to totally forget about other people. If I were you I would have done the same, but I think you'd have done the same if you were me too, I hope most people would have. But that doesn't make up for the fact I was actually quite a bitch, and I understand that you probably don't like me, but I am actually sorry? My sister always says, if you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it. But this time, I'm sorry that it was like this, not that I did it.

How lame.

something i need to do

IS STOP BLOODY WORRYING.

My Spanish teacher always says to me, 'Lucie, stop with all these little question marks, stop doubting yourself - if you get it wrong who cares, it'll normally be right anyway.'
That does reflect somewhat on my abilities in Spanish, but in LIFE, I need to stop worrying and constantly doubting myself, because what is the bloody worse that can happen. Life goes on.

summer je t'aime

I'm in the mood for summer. I feel like walking around in skirts with no tights and that slightly uncomfortable but nice feeling of the sun on your skin when it's really hot. Having the windows open and hearing the cars outside. Touching the top of your car and burning your finger. Drinking Lipton ice tea. Going on holiday and reading 5 books in 3 days. The floaty clothes you wear in summer, the hair styles and the sunglasses. So, England, if you could sort out a nice summer for me, that would be great...

'i'll tell you what he said! he told me to forcefully insert the lifeline exercise up my anus!'

'if you feel the need to vomit, swallow it'

Donnie Darko wouldn't be the same without this woman.

Good day today.

films.

Today, I watched two good films.

Valentine's Day

Ok, it was never going to be as good as Love Actually, but it was a pretty good attempt. I haven't seen Ashton Kutcher in anything for a long time, and he was simply lovely - typical romantic who, yes you guessed it, gets dumped on Valentine's Day, but then it's all OK in the end because he gets with the other person who gets dumped on Valentine's day. Taylor Swift surprised me - she is funny funny funny. Cannot act at all, but she's funny.

However, my two favourite stories in it were the old couple (the grandma from In Her Shoes and some other old actor who is definitely famous but I don't know how), and Julia Robert's story. I'm not going to put it here in case anyone who reads this is going to watch it. It's heart warming. (ohh nice phrase lou).

Coco Avant Chanel

I've been wanting to see this film for months now, and tonight I watched it; it's gorgeous. I love films in another language for a start - it makes you really hear the words they are saying, because you have to actually pay attention. For a start, I've always loved Audrey Tautou - she's actually beautiful, and always makes her characters so likeable. I was surprised by what actually happened; I was expecting a poor girl desperately trying to make it as a fashion designer. This isn't at all the case - she pretty much stumbles upon being a fashion designer, she wants to be an singer, then an actress. Alessandro Nivola literally made me gasp - his eyes are amazing and I was desperately waiting for his scenes because he's gorgeous. Oh I can't actually explain how much I liked this film. It's just one of those great films; the costumes are elegant and beautiful, the actors are perfect, the camera work is smooth and artistic - I just really like it.

That's enough of film criticising, but I really could talk about them all day.

how did that happen?

I was pretty drunkard to 2 beers tonight. And managed to take 241 photos.

And quite a bit of peach schnapps. But still, this is a strange happening. I had a pretty jokes night, though; I do love you guysss.

the birds are singing to calm us down

There are some things that are making me so sure I made the right decision by changing 6th form.

I want to make things. I feel like creating something; I want to paint something that isn't just going to get shut in my art book and put away until some lazy, moody art examiner comes and has a poke around in it and probably flicks straight past things I've spent hours on.

Also, don't Marissa and Ryan in OC just make you wanna throw up? She is so annoying. It's awful, but I was happy when she died. Actually no, it's not awful because it isn't real. Gawddd.

re-evaluation

Valentine's day is a little ridiculous. But it does provide nice food, presents and smiles. But that doesn't make up for the cards, the cards are awful. Simply awful.

Ok, so, you're my friend and all and don't get me wrong I love you, but you really are terrible. What would these girls say if they actually knew you referred to them as your 'potential' ones which you are currently choosing between? They'd slap you in the face, and dam rightly so. Maybe you're not kissing these particular two behind each other's back and you're not cheating on anyone, but you have done in past. DO BEHAVE YOU SILLY BOY.

MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

You're making me smile a lot.

You've been acting awful tough lately
Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately
But inside, you're just a little baby
It's okay to say you've got a weak spot
You don't always have to be on top
Better to be hated than love, love, loved for what you're not

You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable
You are not a robot
You're loveable, so loveable
But you're just troubled

Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot

You've been hanging with the unloved kids
Who you never really liked and you never trusted
But you are so magnetic, you pick up all the pins
Never committing to anything
You don't pick up the phone when it ring, ring, rings
Don't be so pathetic, just open up and sing

I'm vulnerable, I'm vulnerable
I am not a robot
You're loveable, so loveable
But you're just troubled

Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Can you teach me how to feel real?
Can you turn my power on?
Well, let the drum beat drop
Guess what? I'm not a robot

I wish I still too photos a lot. Like, real photos, not ones to just bung on Facebook. But it is the half term, maybe I will take some unartistic, badly taken photos on my shitty excuse for a camera and put them on my Flickr. Yes. :)

vlntns dy

VALENTINE'S DAY. It's tomorrow. People don't really get what it's about though, do they?

It's an excuse for people who do have 'someone special' to spoil them a bit, and splash out.

Therefore it annoys me when people say: 'you should show your love everyday' - well no, because then nothing would ever be special would it?

'ohhhhhhhHHHHHhhhhh FML I HAVE NO ONE' - shhhh, stop making people who do feel bad. It's not a call for every person on the planet to find a boyfriend or they will die alone. It's just a nice day which some people like to celebrate.

Although it is a total rip off now a days - I hardly think a £20 giant cuddly rose is necessary, thank you very much Clinton's card.

LDN

There's something about London which I just love.

It's the feeling of being in a busy city with lots of different people, all doing totally different things but brushing shoulders with each other on the tube. I like to wonder who they are, but I mainly just like watching all the different habits they have, it's funny.

'Lucie, you have no life.'

As a matter of fact, I do.

I find it perfectly acceptable to get into 'heated discussions' concerning Lord of the Rings during a maths lesson (a heated discussion I've now found out I was on the wrong side of: oh dear, that's embarrassing, never mind, we'll never speak of it again). I've realised I really like my life, despite other people thinking I'm a nerd and/or loser. I'd rather be obsessed with Lord of the Rings and get excited about going to the Natural History museum than be obsessed with my hair having the perfect amount of 'shvooooom' (that thing when you push your hair up) and get excited about getting a load of boys to worship my ass. Because, to be honest, I care a lot more about whether Gandalf actually died or if he just went away and then came back than I do about your hair.

Ohhhh and this weekend is actually going to be the best. Party, natural history museum, science museum, museum with the cool clothes in, being cooked niceeey food, painting pictures of leaves and the sea. Horrah.

have you ever felt this way?

Pink is amazing. Definitely one of her best songs, especially after the Grammys.


It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

Well.

Even though I just spent £140 on you, you cease to make me good without make up and wet hair. Bit usless aren't you, Canon Camera in 'hot pink'?

No. I take it back. You're lovely. It's not your fault I'm ugly.

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

-marilyn monroe.

I love the blog I got this from - click

Mondays are always sad for me. I never get enough sleep on a Sunday night, and I can never face 5 lessons of science ahead of me or the stress of my Spanish oral being that one week closer. Also, being the over-analytical, pedantic, dementor that I am, I have mustered up some problem for myself in my head over the weekend, which is actually totally unjustified and ridiculous. Then, on a Monday night, around now, I realise this and stop worrying about it. Tuesdays are good.

Money is such a dictator. Excuse my bad simile but it's quite late and I quite wanted to blog about this. I got a bit crazed by it. No starbucks, need money. No make up, I need money. No friends round, I need to revise so I can go to Oxford and be a lawyer and live in a really big house and wear Chanel mascara. Oh, and be totally unsatisfied with my life and a bit depressed, I suppose.

Maybe that was a bit exaggerate but you get my meaning.

'You know the price of everything, but the value of nothing.'

This is a phrase my mother likes to use. I'm determined to never let her say this about me, ever. I'd actually rather do art history and French at Warwick then move to France and work as a badly paid lecturer. By the way. Not that that even matters, stop living in the future, Lucie.

I'm looking forward to this week. Last week before half term, and I'm on a bit of a mission. If my plan goes accordingly, there will be something different in two weeks time. If there isn't, well, I'm really sorry in advance because I will be moaning and generally be the annoying pain in the neck I was to all my friends today, all the time.

What was that about not getting enough sleep? Goooood night.

P.S, Shakespeare is actually great. Done a lot of him today, and I wish I could marry him.

add to wish list

I just added 21st Century Science - Separate Sciences to my wish list on Amazon. This is what my life has come to.

I honestly cannot wait until 6th form, so I don't have to do do bloody science and maths.

dream life

If I could do anything in the world, I would open a bookshop in a quiet town in France with a cafe on the side. I would sell quirky books and diaries there, and nice stationary. There would be art everywhere, done by me and my arty farty friends, and there might even be a stage where those crap but sweet local bands could play. I would also bake things and sell them in the cafe. It's cliché and would never actually work but it's what I would like to do.

I've also just realised I kick ass at cooking, making the most tastiest millionaire's shortbread for my friend - I rockkkkk.

Oh, and One Life Stand is amazing.

smoke me like your last ever cigarette

I like people who don't care what people think; who won't let other people get in the way of them enjoying themselves and taking all the opportunities they can.

I don't like people who do things because they know it will mess with someone else. I don't like people who know that they are doing it, and do it anyway.

There's a difference, and you're showing me it.

are you gonna bang doe

Just putting this out there:

I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS PHRASE MEANS.

I'm not ashamed to say it. I just not and smile when people say it. What I do usually.

i forgot how much i love you

dancing; I don't actually know what my life would be like if I didn't dance. Really, though, I think my out look would be totally different, because it has actually been a really big part of my life. the majority of Wednesdays in my life have been spent at the Vineyard barn doing some form of dance. It's sad, but it's great.

i'm really excited for my new pointe shoes to come.

maybe you shouldn't kiss and tell

ke$ha's album = good times

I don't really know how this has happened, but I have nothing to do. And, when I have nothing to do, I get upset and bored and depressed. Until I find something to do, then I'm happy again. Thus, I'm writing this, you lucky dears.

First thing's first: GO AWAY. It is to my great displeasure that I am yet again resorting to actually writing about you in my blog, but enough is enough. It might be really selfish thinking this, but I could swear you're partially doing this, deliberately, because you know it will be me that feels like shit if your little conniving plan works. Well, guess what, it isn't going to work, so give up, ok?

Righto, now that's out of my system... I'm getting really better at not telling everyone everything about myself. I don't want to get in the pickle I've been in many times before: not telling anyone how I feel and just ending up creating mountains of shit for myself to wade through, on my ones. No, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about broadcasting what I'm doing to all my friends when I've already told them 10 times. I'll still tell you the important stuff, it's just healthier if I learn how to keep things to myself a bit more.

Ohhh, it's almost time for 90210. Wish I was Adriana much?